Category Archives: regular

Baby moving!

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Every time I feel this little babe move I am filled with joy. I’m sure I’ll get to a point where I’d like her to be still, but for now I love the reminder that a life is growing. A sweet, precious life I cannot wait to hold.

Ah…

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World’s Worst Blogger? Maybe.

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Ugh, I want to blog, honestly. But it just becomes one more thing in my overflowing to-do list lately. How to rectify this? Hmm…

Lots has changed since I last posted, for instance:

  • We announced we are pregnant. Our little immediate world is overjoyed, no one more so than us though I think.
  • We learned said baby is a GIRL. A real, live girl human, in my belly. Shocked. Nervous about a little girl entering our lives, growing up to be a *gasp* teenager…and date boys. And, as Bill is terrified of, get married in a shindig we will have to finance. (tee-hee!)
  • We started shopping for girl things. Completely. Overwhelmed. Way more choices for girls than boys, lots of pink, lots of inappropriateness (sassy sayings, baby jeggings?!). This is going to be rough.
  • Maria had a breakdown about the MBA program. It’s hard. It takes a lot of time. I don’t have lots of time. Looked into switching programs. That adds 6 months and about $12k. Gag. Probably sucking it up with an MBA.
  • I miss my Dad. Wait, that hasn’t changed. I just didn’t get to tell him we’re having a girl, even though I think he knew that we were getting one, he was just off on his timing. Still wish I could tell him though.
  • Baby girl has a first name. More on that in a subsequent post.
  • Bill has started his degree program. Passed a college math class in a week and a half. Who does that?
  • Took our first (and probably only) family vacation as a unit of 3. Had a great time in Florida, went to Disney. Saw Sean and Casey!
  • Speaking of Sean and Casey, they are finally engaged! We get to keep Casey! I am so thrilled, she’s wonderful and I love them together. So, so happy for my little bro.
  • We are suddenly getting to lots of household projects. Garden has been planted, landscaping has been dramatically updated, baby clothing is being addressed (selling boy clothes, buying girl ones), patio is started, deck skirting is finally almost done. Crazy how adding a person in five months jump starts lots of other stuff.

That might be about the extent of things. I am incredibly happy, and at the same time incredibly overwhelmed. Honestly, I’m managing my stress level and all our balls in the air so much better than I ever thought I would, but really. There’s a lot going on. Nearly all of it makes me so, so happy. But some of it stresses me out…depending on the day all of it, or none of it and something new. Like, how exactly does your stomach go back to normal? HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN? And how do we know for sure it will?

Sigh.

I suppose since we never do anything the easy way this is how our life is. Complicated, but wonderful and ours. Who could change anything about that?

It’s still a secret. Kind of.

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I’m a bad blogger! The last few weeks have been tough, I’m still sick and very tired. It’s all I can do to make it through work and life. I have been lucky enough to have a few days or a few hours in a day here and there where I can function. I’m 11 weeks 4 days today, we’re close to sharing our news publically (like on the internets, beyond this blog). Every time I think about it I get scared, so I keep holding back. However, if you see me there’s no hiding it. Here’s what I look like this week:

Maria 2011 pregnancy week 11Maria Ian pregnancy week 11

Week 11 now (L) Week 11 – Ian (R)

Yeah, I’m way bigger this time. I guess that whole “your body remembers” thing is true. 

Our next Drs appointment is the nuchal translucency screening. I’ll be 13 weeks, it’s on Ian’s birthday. I think that’s when we’ll wait to share, when we know for sure everything is ok. At least as much as we can know anyway. I hate celebrating Ian’s day and announcing a new baby at the same time, so we’ll have to think through all this, but as long as we have a healthy munchkin in there I’m happy.

I do think I felt it move this week. Even Bill felt it. He’s worried it was some kind of digestion, but honestly I am pretty sure it’s baby. It’s creepy in only the way a baby is, and I’ve never felt anything like it other than when I carried Ian. So, that at least is making me feel better and at ease! I’m hoping to hold it together until the 11th and not be scared and rushing to Dr. K. in the meantime. I want to have faith in this baby!

Tunnel vision

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I feel like I’m being a bad friend lately. It’s all I can do to make it through the day most days, and inevitably I’m on the couch hoping not to hurl. We keep canceling weekend plans because I just can’t go out. Weekends seem to be worse, which I’m actually glad for. I need to be able to function at work (even though my work functioning capabilities are near the very low end of the scale). 

I think this baby is winning.

I miss you all friends! And my husband, who is the saving grace for our family right now. He’s holding everything together – I am so thankful. Hoping it won’t be long before I can hold my head up and engage in a conversation again. 

Apparently all I have to talk about is pregnancy.

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I kinda wish there was something else, but this is taking over my life. I’m so sick that I can’t stand myself, and I’m incredibly thankful to feel this way at the same time. I’m not productive, unhelpful at home and probably less fun in general, but hey – producing a human is hard work. I’m doing my best, just not functioning as well as I’d like.

I took Ian to the dentist all by myself this morning, his first real appointment. He did so well, I was one proud Momma for sure. Every time he saw the dentist or the hygienist he opened wide so they could see his teeth, and if they missed it he interjected conversation with statements like “Ian has great teeth” or “Ian has lots of nice teeth”. Awesome. He was super patient today, quiet, listened and responded to every request, just good in general. This gives me hope and makes me so proud to be his Momma.

Oh look, we just talked about something other than pregnancy! My kid, but hey, it’s a start.

For anyone who cares to know, we had our first real ultrasound yesterday. It was great. We got to see our little peanut, see AND HEAR the heartbeat! Crazy right? Yesterday I was 7 weeks 5 days (or 3 days, depending on which measurement…I’m going with 5) and we could hear a heartbeat. That is amazing people. I’m in awe. I had a rough weekend and with my history the nurses and my Dr said we needed the big-time ultrasound. Who am I to argue? I just need a healthy baby, and if this makes me feel better then I’m all for it. It did make me feel better for the record.

So now I’m back to being grateful for feeling awful.

Oh, also week 1 of grad school is officially complete. Just 19 months three weeks to go. Ha! This class is pretty easy, I’m not sure what will happen when I get past it but I’m thankful to have an easy class while I feel terrible. That’s a blessing on it’s own!

I think good things are finally happening. Crossing my fingers that’s true.

Heartbeat, for sure.

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Another appointment this morning, and even I can’t deny that there is indeed a heartbeat. Saw it with my own eyes.

And I’m sick. Not pleasantly sick like last week where I was just slightly nauseous, but for real having a hard time being upright and appropriate sick. Should have napped or laid down today, no time. Wondering how long I can keep this up at work…we’ll see!

I am thrilled to be this sick though. Rejoicing, celebrating, excited and thankful. It’s the very best reason to feel awful. Happy.

Thankful to be sick.

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Remember when I said I wish I felt worse? Well, here we are.

This has been an up and down week. My first ultrasound was scheduled for Tuesday at 4:20. I got a call in the morning from the office manager Sandy, telling me my Dr. was stuck in Chicago and wouldn’t be back in time for my appointment. Sandy was asked to reschedule her day, but to call me directly herself so I wouldn’t have a meltdown. Does Dr. K know me or what?

Sandy called. I promptly had a meltdown.

Really, I understand and I can wait, but I am taking it as a good sign that I was so emotional about it. She rescheduled me for Friday (the earliest opportunity). I am so nervous about this pregnancy that I just need to know as much as possible all the way through.

Then suddenly, change of plans! My Dr got back info town, called me at 4:02 and STILL fit me in! Have I mentioned how much I love her? She is absolutely wonderful.

Ultimately I had no time to panic or stress, and we learned that there is one little someone in there! I’m 6 weeks today. Dr. K is having me come back in Friday and next week so we can monitor and check for a heartbeat. I’m so grateful that she saw me and that things are moving along. I’m also so grateful that she recognizes my type A action and is helping me through all this. Sigh of relief, at least for today!!!

So, in the end I’m so glad to feel worse. It’s just what I need to make a healthy baby a reality. And maybe we’ll have an awesome update tomorrow.

My life is crazy.

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Recent updates in February? Oh, just a few. 

Got into grad school. Check.

First Reiki experience. Check.

Got pregnant. Check. WHAT?! 

Super excited that we’re expecting, but honestly we’re so nervous and I was not expecting it (even though we’re trying) due to having another miscarriage last month. So this was a surprise. I was even supposed to start taking Clomid, but the day before I took a test just in case first. It’s a bad idea to take it if you ARE indeed knocked up. So I take the test, fully expecting a negative so we can move forward with the drugs, except this is what I get.

The positive line showed up BEFORE the test line. So that was exciting. 

I’m just hoping that our third time is the charm. I have said before that I am relatively desperate to have a second child – within reason of course. And I’m a planner. But I did not expect to have this much trouble conceiving a second babe, nor did I expect to be pregnant three times in less than a year. Tuesday we have our first ultrasound that will help us determine viability. I’m very nervous but anxious to confirm that we have one, healthy little munchkin growing in there.

There are symptoms that make me feel better. I am slightly nauseous, but not consistently. I wish I was sicker to be honest, I’d feel better about things. My boobs are tender and on the growth path. Could do without that, really. I have plenty to spare. Oh, there’s some other growth too. 

Yeah, we could do without that this early too. Really, I’m not even sure that I’m six weeks along. Waiting for the ultrasound to tell us. And yet I looked like this at twelve weeks with Ian. Curious. Maybe, given that it’s my fourth pregnancy my body just can’t take it and gives out when I’m thirty seconds pregnant? Perhaps. I do wish I didn’t look so pregnant this early though. I’m not ready to have conversations about this, but it’s pretty much a non-issue, since I can’t help it. Honestly, normally I’m a relatively slender girl!

I did go to the Reiki appointment. No oils since I am with child, and the entire experience was…weird. The practitioner either gently touched me or held her hands over various areas while she worked. Sometimes I’d get very warm, even hot in places, and then it would cool down. I don’t know what I expected, but it was interesting. I did leave feeling very relaxed and aware, but also feeling that maybe this was hokey and I was just duped out of $30. I’m going back to try it one or two more times and we’ll see how it goes. I might go back to paying for real touching – I do miss my masseuse. 

Oh yeah, remember when I said that blogging might get me in trouble? I’m not sure I’m supposed to be talking about this on here. I mean, we haven’t really told everyone yet. My Mom knows, my boss and some of my very close co-workers since my doctors appointments are frequent and unlikely to let up. But we have many other people to spill good news to in person. So shh internet. Let’s not go talking about this on Facebook or Twitter until I’m good and ready. Or a blimp. Whichever comes first.