Tag Archives: dilemma

Breastfeeding/formula dilemma

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I am struggling so much trying to nurse Elia. Sobbing breakdown every day struggling. 😦 I’ve been pumping exclusively for her for six weeks now since she was born. We’ve been trying to get her to nurse for five. She struggles to latch and mostly won’t without a nursing shield. A lot of it I’m sure is due to her prematurity, but she’s past term now and her mouth is big enough and strong enough to make things work, but she just can’t/won’t open wide enough, latch deep enough or stay on. Any one of those things or all of them are an issue every time I try. I’ve been seeing lactation consultants and have another appointment Sunday but I can’t stand the wait.

I can’t keep doing this much longer, pumping is painful and depressing and it takes so much time. I’m spending 6-10 hours a day pumping depending on how many times I can bear to pump now. She has been nursing with the shield, but when I was pushing that she didn’t gain weight for a week and a half and we were almost readmitted to the hospital. I feel like such a failure! I also am about to give up. This is so hard. I can’t keep pumping, taking care of her and Ian at the same time. Impossible. And Bill’s starting to travel more so I have to be in that scenario a lot…and I can’t do it on the 3 hours of sleep I get a night feeding her and pumping all night.

So you can probably see where I’m going, I am thinking about quitting and it’s breaking my heart. I so want to nurse this baby! As a preemie she really needs my milk, I want the closeness and snuggle time, and the convenience honestly. It’s so much easier to nurse than deal with all the bottles. I don’t even know what to do if we’re out and she needs a bottle. How do I make one and warm it on the run?!

How do you make this choice? If you did how did you do it? I’d love to hear what you did and why. I am struggling with this decision so, so much. But if she can’t get nursing I can’t keep pumping. I’m trying to tell myself that formula isn’t evil…but I just feel awful about it. Help me out , tell me what you did and why and how you felt about it before and after. I NEVER thought I’d be here struggling with this, it’s killing me. I don’t want to do anything I will regret forever. 😥