Tag Archives: expanding

It’s still a secret. Kind of.

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I’m a bad blogger! The last few weeks have been tough, I’m still sick and very tired. It’s all I can do to make it through work and life. I have been lucky enough to have a few days or a few hours in a day here and there where I can function. I’m 11 weeks 4 days today, we’re close to sharing our news publically (like on the internets, beyond this blog). Every time I think about it I get scared, so I keep holding back. However, if you see me there’s no hiding it. Here’s what I look like this week:

Maria 2011 pregnancy week 11Maria Ian pregnancy week 11

Week 11 now (L) Week 11 – Ian (R)

Yeah, I’m way bigger this time. I guess that whole “your body remembers” thing is true. 

Our next Drs appointment is the nuchal translucency screening. I’ll be 13 weeks, it’s on Ian’s birthday. I think that’s when we’ll wait to share, when we know for sure everything is ok. At least as much as we can know anyway. I hate celebrating Ian’s day and announcing a new baby at the same time, so we’ll have to think through all this, but as long as we have a healthy munchkin in there I’m happy.

I do think I felt it move this week. Even Bill felt it. He’s worried it was some kind of digestion, but honestly I am pretty sure it’s baby. It’s creepy in only the way a baby is, and I’ve never felt anything like it other than when I carried Ian. So, that at least is making me feel better and at ease! I’m hoping to hold it together until the 11th and not be scared and rushing to Dr. K. in the meantime. I want to have faith in this baby!

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My life is crazy.

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Recent updates in February? Oh, just a few. 

Got into grad school. Check.

First Reiki experience. Check.

Got pregnant. Check. WHAT?! 

Super excited that we’re expecting, but honestly we’re so nervous and I was not expecting it (even though we’re trying) due to having another miscarriage last month. So this was a surprise. I was even supposed to start taking Clomid, but the day before I took a test just in case first. It’s a bad idea to take it if you ARE indeed knocked up. So I take the test, fully expecting a negative so we can move forward with the drugs, except this is what I get.

The positive line showed up BEFORE the test line. So that was exciting. 

I’m just hoping that our third time is the charm. I have said before that I am relatively desperate to have a second child – within reason of course. And I’m a planner. But I did not expect to have this much trouble conceiving a second babe, nor did I expect to be pregnant three times in less than a year. Tuesday we have our first ultrasound that will help us determine viability. I’m very nervous but anxious to confirm that we have one, healthy little munchkin growing in there.

There are symptoms that make me feel better. I am slightly nauseous, but not consistently. I wish I was sicker to be honest, I’d feel better about things. My boobs are tender and on the growth path. Could do without that, really. I have plenty to spare. Oh, there’s some other growth too. 

Yeah, we could do without that this early too. Really, I’m not even sure that I’m six weeks along. Waiting for the ultrasound to tell us. And yet I looked like this at twelve weeks with Ian. Curious. Maybe, given that it’s my fourth pregnancy my body just can’t take it and gives out when I’m thirty seconds pregnant? Perhaps. I do wish I didn’t look so pregnant this early though. I’m not ready to have conversations about this, but it’s pretty much a non-issue, since I can’t help it. Honestly, normally I’m a relatively slender girl!

I did go to the Reiki appointment. No oils since I am with child, and the entire experience was…weird. The practitioner either gently touched me or held her hands over various areas while she worked. Sometimes I’d get very warm, even hot in places, and then it would cool down. I don’t know what I expected, but it was interesting. I did leave feeling very relaxed and aware, but also feeling that maybe this was hokey and I was just duped out of $30. I’m going back to try it one or two more times and we’ll see how it goes. I might go back to paying for real touching – I do miss my masseuse. 

Oh yeah, remember when I said that blogging might get me in trouble? I’m not sure I’m supposed to be talking about this on here. I mean, we haven’t really told everyone yet. My Mom knows, my boss and some of my very close co-workers since my doctors appointments are frequent and unlikely to let up. But we have many other people to spill good news to in person. So shh internet. Let’s not go talking about this on Facebook or Twitter until I’m good and ready. Or a blimp. Whichever comes first.