So for the last few days Ian’s been having serious separation anxiety issues. This morning he brought his little yellow bear to me and said, “he’s sad, he misses his momma”. Ahhh, are you serious?! I asked him if he was trying to tell me something and he goes, “no Mommy. pooh bear is just sad – he really just needs his Mom.” Oh my gosh, I’m failing as a parent.
How does that not just rip your heart out? He’s been crying when we drop him off at daycare, and he loves his school. Clinging to me, teary, begging me not to leave. This is not my kid. He’s normally friendly, outgoing and is so go with the flow. In the car he told me he doesn’t miss Daddy, just me. He just needs me he says. We lead a hectic life, he’s never known stability for long. So why now? We’ve been pretty normal lately (for us anyway).
To combat the extreme guilt I have been trying to leave work early and spend every available moment with him. We went shopping and picked out a special new Thomas the train book, made just what he wanted for dinner, let him stay up late and made a big deal about him all night for the past few nights. Still, every night and every morning he tells me he still misses me.
Breaks my heart!
I’ve done the math, at best – including pushing the bedtime envelope, I can spend 5 hours a day with him on weekdays. He spends 8-10 at daycare. How is this fair? I’m not a “need to have it all” kind of girl, I just want balance in my life. How can I make this work? I have a very busy, full time job that I love, a husband I adore and want to spend every waking moment with and a needy, loving, adorable toddler. And I’m desperate for another baby. But in the last month I’ve barely found a moment to myself, to read, exercise, lounge on the internet or even shave my legs. (ew.) How does one achieve balance? With a family? With life?
This is my never ending struggle. Sigh.