Oh, it’s been a looooong day. My sweet little love, why do you NOT like to be put down, ever? Is it possible my arms can ache from holding 10 pounds all day? Let’s hope you sleep tonight so I can sleep, last night you were an insomniac. Didn’t nap all day except for an hour and a half (not consecutive) and you were up trying to party like a rock star until after 1 am. Mommy is tired.
Sleepy little love
This is what I want to see tonight. No exceptions.
Today is the day you were supposed to be born. Instead, you’ve been with us for six weeks today. Although we are thrilled to have you, I can’t help but be a little sad that you had to come so early. Already in six weeks you’ve had to endure so much, and for all of us it’s been so hard. It’s also been wonderful. You are petite and beautiful, relatively calm, an excellent cuddler and a joy to be around. You are also extremely high maintenance as we constantly hear most preemies are, you never sleep more than two and a half to three hours at a time (you need to eat to keep up your strength, you have no reserves to draw on!), you have reflux due to immaturity (or maybe that’s just how we make babies…), you are struggling to gain weight and you are very loud. That last part maybe isn’t a standard preemie thing, but girl, you grunt and make way more noises than any baby I’ve ever met. It’s nearly impossible to sleep in the same room. 🙂
We are heading to a weight check for you at 1:30 this afternoon. We’ve had to go in for these every 2-3 days since in the last two weeks you’re suddenly not gaining weight (ok, well 3 oz total but that’s hardly enough when it’s supposed to be an ounce a day). Mommy is so nervous and scared. I’ve been doing a ton of research and I feel like it’s my fault, even though I know that rationally these things happen and it’s really due to pre/immaturity. You are having trouble nursing. What I think is happening after this weekend’s research is that the nursing shield we were told to use is preventing you from nursing effectively, so when I’ve been feeding you in reality you aren’t getting enough milk in to gain weight. And you haven’t figured out nursing in general so that makes it more difficult.
I’m hoping that we hear good news today, this whole experience is nerve-wracking and even harder for someone who is seriously sleep-deprived. Mommy hasn’t slept a full night for over five months, and in the last 2-3, not more than 4-5 hours a night. Lately it’s been about 3. How are we going to survive?!
Either way we love you, very much. Mommy, Daddy, your Nana and grandparents…and you should see the way your brother looks at you. He is smitten. 🙂